You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
