you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
