My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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