when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
