I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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