:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
