when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
