I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
