Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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