i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
