I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
