I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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