WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i've created a new STD.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
