Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
