Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
