Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize