No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
