i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
