blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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