he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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