hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
