is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
