She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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