i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
