this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
