wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You smell like a Billy Joel song
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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