What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize