she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
