You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Someone signed my nipple.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize