We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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