Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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