She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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