im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
