My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
