he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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