New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
