Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
