that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
