just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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