Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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