Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
