No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
