I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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