are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We left an ass print on the piano.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
