Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
