you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
