Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
