No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
