i jhust puked up my retainher.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
