Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
