a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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