What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize