you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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