When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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