Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
