i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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