i just snorted my name. best moment ever
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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