My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
