I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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