Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
