I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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