Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
